wednesday- i went to see the white buffalo with music and a group of his friends. before i had even seen him he was in mortal combat attack mode. i had no idea where it came from or how to handle it because, in my opinion, i had done nothing wrong. it started with the fact that he expected me to drive to the bar alone while he went with all of his friends (male and female). i felt like an idiot and i know it sound so silly to not drive by myself but he had asked me to go with him and i felt it was right that we literally GO together. i ended up going in a car with him which was fine and then we stayed at his place and my question that i had asked earlier came up so i had to explain myself (topped with a little bit of slow). in the morning i asked him if he wanted to meet up downtown to celebrate my birthday and he said sure.
thursday- music texted me later on when i told him that i didn't think samantha and i were going downtown and he said he was relieved because he was tired. plans changed, and i had left my id with music so i invited him again. samantha and i went to her friends birthday party then headed downtown at 11:30. music said he would stay but by the time we got down there he'd gone home. we drove over because i still needed my id. it went all downhill from there. he said he wasn't going to come out but he would come tomorrow (friday, my birthday party). i don't know why it happened then and why i wasn't prepared sooner but i started crying.
a little background on my last relationship- he was abusive in every way like it was a job and he wanted a promotion. my last birthday was the worst birthday i had ever had and ever hope to have. he left me in san diego and almost got us kicked out of the hotel. it was horrible. this year, my goal was to make this one the best yet. i think it just all overflowed. i feel horrible and embarrassed that it happened in front of him.
after the initial cry- kattie and i made our way to My Bar because some friends were there. i wanted to make things better and tried calling music before we got there but it was an absolute fail. no answer and no response to my texts either. in my drunken mind it made sense to just go over and explain what happened, thinking he would understand. i was wrong. he flipped out. we ended up arguing till 5am and i was crying more. he was mean, hurtful, and didn't want to listen to what i was saying. i was shocked. on top of all that my car wouldn't start when i wanted to leave so i had to spend the night.
friday (day of my birth)- i left music alone all day but texted him that night asking if he was going to come. his response:
After getting no sleep last night, and getting all fired up and arguing for so long and after you telling me that i have problems...I hope that you have a good birthday:)and, I do mean that, but I'm sittin this one out. I'm not even off work till 11 or so anyways.
I understand but I really want you to come and its my birthday. Can we just put down the swords for tonight? Please.
10 minutes later...ME
Even if we fought my birthday should be an exception. Just as yours would be. I get where I was wrong last night. I'm sorry. This was one fight but I can promise it wouldn't happen again.
2 hours later...ME
You owe me birthday sex.
yeah...that last text probably ruined it all. no responses and no show, obviously no sex. the fact that he refuses to understand where the origin of my drama came from completely goes against who i thought he was. i still haven't gotten any texts or calls from him. i plan on giving him some space and trying to talk to him in a couple days. i don't want this to be over for this reason. i'm hoping things can be fixed.
regardless of what happened with music, i had a great night last night. i got completely shit-faced and threw up. lovely. i definitely think i successfully recelebrated my 21st. i'm still hungover and sick as well. but it was worth it.