i don't know whether i can really accept responsibility for all my mistakes last night. when given a challenge, i'm a true athlete. i take pride in being a poor sport and when my boss said he didn't think i could get a free drink i not only got one for myself but also one for samantha within 2 minutes of accepting. and then by then end of the night that 1 turned into 3. in all actuality it was a good night. i had fun, yes. but still, there are most certainly those regrets that we all must live with. samantha and i hadn't planned to stay at My Bar for the entire night but she, and mostly, i, got carried away.
confessions of a irresponsible 20-something: i kissed a guy who's name i forgot within the first 5 minutes of meeting him. he was cute so at least i don't completely want to hang myself from the shower rod. regardless, i hate myself. i am smitten with mr. music. yes smitten with him. i'm so in like that i not only used a word from a 1950's black and white film but i also drunk dialed him after an awful ending to the night. i can't remember a word i said, but apparently my monologue was so good he just had to save it to share with me, for my amusement (and embarrassment), of course.
about that kiss...it was just a kiss. i'm just seeing Music. there's hasn't been any real establishing "we" to "us" yet so i can't really feel bad about it. and i did the ceremonial scroll through my phone's contact list this morning just to make sure there were no new numbers attached to any unfamiliar names (check here for no __). i guess when you care this much about letting someone down, even when it probably won't, you care this much about that someone.
the night wasn't just full of strange kisses with strange men. the last third of the night has somewhat escaped my mind either by choice or because its just as embarrassed as me and left to laventina's. somehow i ended up dancing with The Man With No Name, but apparently samantha had asked me before if i wanted to leave. if i had been more sober i would have said yes. if she would have been somewhat more aware or, in my opinion, concerned, she would have just dragged me out. instead, my better half left me there.
friends aren't supposed to let friends make out with guys with no names. friends aren't supposed to let friends wake up in the morning and feel awful because there's a man that they can't wait to see in 2 days. how are women supposed to get through life when their girls can't/won't be there in that crucial moment when you are one mixed drink away from making out with mr. i have no degree and probably just want to take you home as soon as i see that you are too drunk to say no? every week i learn a little more about my friend. i learn that she is more forgiving of men. they can eat her heart out time and time again and she'll forgive them but when it comes to a friend doing the tiniest thing it's like hell hath frozen over. the real samantha as a 20-something? i wonder...
anyway, what's wrong with a little regret and embarrassment in life? its what makes us human in the end.