well, after the past few months of a slow start with slow we're finally going to get the chance to see each other...after 4 years! we get one night and one night only. but now i'm in a position where that one night will not be anything like what it could have been if he had come a month ago, or even 2 weeks ago. now i'm in a dilemma. now i'm in a double dilemma, and there is no cherry.
dilemma one: he's finally going to be down here but now i am finally with someone that i am falling for faster than i could have imagined. i don't want to do anything to ruin it. and trust me i happen to be the mayor of that ancient city. so now i have to tell him about this. i'm scared that i'm going to be back in that position that i was in with 23. being here again is like waking up knowing you're in for a car crash but getting in the car anyway. i love slow to death, but i see myself more with music. and now i have to break this to a guy that i just had a fight with through facebook chat like we were already in some sort of sudo-relationship. is anything ever easy?
dilemma two: i cannot make a mistake now. i can't let my red-eyed, furry-sex shoe wearing monster take over and let me jump on top of slow and make things go fast. i will not make any kind of mistake; i don't care where music and i stand at that point. what i do know is i plan on asking him, within the next 2 weeks, to be my date to my cousin's wedding and that is taking this to the next level, a level that says you mean much more to me than just a sexy sleepover or fun night out. and saying that means saying no to slow, and fast.
both of these are two obstacles that are going to show me how i feel about this sudo-something with music. if i can jump the hurdle, and clear it cleanly, at least i know my feelings are real.