i wish someone had written this to me when i was in high school. i've been wanting to do a post with a letter to the littler little; this fueled my want even more. high school was rough for me...at least the first 2 years. i can proudly claim the right to the worst reputation of my graduating class. i would walk down the halls and get called a whore. these assholes alienated me so much that by the time i left i had no friends.
why did i get this rep? because in 9th grade i dated a guy that one of the bitches liked. so her way of making me pay was by spreading rumors about my fake slut status. if there was ever a time i can say i was clinically depressed, it was then.
i tried telling people. tried reaching out. mainly to my parents. i was repeatedly told to suck it up. the final straw came when i was attacked by 20 girls and blocked in by at least 50 people when i was walking home from school. none of the bitches laid a hand on me..could have been because i looked like a retarded, blind octopus and tried to hit anything within reach. the only person i was with (a guy friend) said he saw nothing because he was threatened. told my parents i wouldn't go back unless they let me transfer to a new school. that was the last time they ever listened to my cries for help (except for the 1500 to help with my debt). my last 2 years of high school were how they should have been. i was happy. i made friends. i didn't get called an std while walking to class every day. winning! yes, i just channeled my inner charlie sheen.
so what would i tell my younger self? to ask for help sooner. to not listen to what other people say and to change my situation before it gets worse. i'd tell my younger self to not be a nanny and keep a real job. to read style mags and sites so i'm not ashamed of my lame fashion sense. i'd tell myself not to date the asshole i met in math class. to not even speak to him...you'll be better off, dear. to pay more attention to what i really love and do what i'm best at. i'd change some mistakes i'd made but keep others because it made me discover who i really am, what i believe in and the people that i don't need.
more importantly i would tell myself, just wait. you will have your sweet revenge in about 3 years when all these girls that called you a whore will be whales with at least 2 kids from more than 1 baby daddy. while you are still doing and discovering what you love. be happy that you aren't the one sinking into a downward spiral called too much dirty sex and donuts.
What a lovely post.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about all your sad time at school, I too, struggled at the start. But once I put my head down and didn't respond back they got over it. I was forever taken the piss out of for looking like a boy (which still haunts me to this day). Yet like those girls you mentioned in your post, they are mothers too, with little jobs and money. And I am enjoying my life, and even getting compliments that I'm gorgeous (shock!)
Love the advice you'd give your younger self. So true. xx
AWESOME post. Love this. Makes me want to write a letter to my younger self too. :)
ReplyDeleteGreat post ! Love the excerpt on top, and love the letter to yourself.
ReplyDeleteGah, I hated high school so, so much. There is no amount of money in the world that could make me go back to those years...
hey little, i LOVED this post. and wow, am i sorry that u had to go through all that shit in high school. i never had a rough time at school, but still wouldn't go back there if u paid me. And i kinda feel sad for the people who's lives never got any better than high school, how pathetic!
ReplyDeletelast year, on my birthday, i wrote a letter to my younger self - http://ridinggiraffesinstilettos.blogspot.com/2010/11/letter-to-myself-at-18.html
And i think i may do it this year again. kinda helped me realise that a few months or years down the line, the stuff you think matters most, actually doesn't. and that no matter how bad things seem at the time, you will move on and be better for it. x P
I love letters and I love this... You have inspired me to write a letter to my younger self and all those who are like that person who existed once... we'll see if I can get my blogging partner to write one too.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.mindogandmetch.com
Sorry to hear about your horrid few years back at high school. I guess the silver lining is that, our past, every little bit of it, helps shape who we become. I'm sure you were a stronger person for it, appreciated friends more than perhaps you would have.
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