b is for break-up and blogging.

well, hello. long time no see. i have taken a bit of an unintentional break from the blog. big and i are taking a break. there was just too much fighting and no real commitment. i may be young but i'm at the point where if i'm going to give my time to someone, i want them to be someone that i can spend years with. big and i...or at least i think its mutual...love each other. the bottom line is we need space and time apart. do i think we'll get back together? i'm not really sure. we hung out for the first time in 2 weeks last sunday...and things got frisky. i asked if he had been considering us (yes). his answer was surprisingly easy for me to accept:

still not ready for a relationship.

that was all i needed to hear to know that i was/am doing the right thing. and that i don't regret the sex. sex woud have been regrettable had i tried to fix this relationship for the 20 billionth time. luckily, that wasn't the case.

so what has this little been up to for the past 2 and a half weeks? drinking my ass off. i spent a lot of time in la without big, which was weird. but new friends mean new adventures. and there have been many.

thanksgiving is one day away. i offered to spend it with big, but he turned that down. not really sure how i feel about that. i mean, if you love someone, isn't that what the holidays are for? spending them with the people that you love? oh well. his loss. only, he's losing more than just a thanksgiving adventure. guess the big question that will need to eventually be answered is whether or not he cares.

shit-talking sally {my favorite spice girl/barbie/backstreet boy}

my brain has been on overdrive lately. i'm 2 weeks late on my period, pretty sure it's due to the insane amount of stress. if not, well, then i'm sticking to the promise i made myself and i will do my best to do the best. not wanting to think about that now. this is just a little post to give a shout-out to all the people who think it's cool to bring people down. everyone reaches a point where they can't take anymore of the shit-talking, back-stabbing, and lies. last time i checked, i graduated from high school 5 years ago. last time i checked, you graduated way longer than that. time to grow up guys and gals. welcome to the world of having mature relationships. so here's my 1, 2, 3 of what i think an adult relationship should entail:

1. respect - queen aretha (why is it that i always want to say "urethra" every time i read her name) put it best (find out what it means to ME). don't go whisper (or shout across the internet) how you feel about things that involve me if you know i'm not ok with it. people that you don't even know don't need to know about me and my life unless i ok it.* don't talk shit on someone you don't know. don't be a whore and cross lines with someone else's relationship (i wish someone had slapped that across my face months ago...HWC days). respect how i feel. respect the fact that, bitch, you don't know me! respect the fact that i'm not a femmebot and i have damn feelings...damnit!

2. when you assume you make an ass out of you and me - i'm an open book. obviously. i have a blog that throws the truth out there. i don't talk only about the ups because that's not what life is about. if you want to get mad about something that you have a jaded opinion on, find out the facts first. it's totally understandable that the first time you may jump to conclusions too fast and ride the crazy train. but listen. literally. digest the truth. let it put out the fire in your mind. don't keep pointing fingers.

i guess 2 had more to do with ALL communication. listening, not overreacting, and not being anti-1.

3. no more games - i date older because i assume the boys that are supposed to be men will act that way. not always the case. my limit used to be 34 (parents are 40 and i liked a guy that was 34 so i let him establish my limit). let's just say i turned down a very famous person because he crossed the age line (albeit, it was in a dark bar and i didn't recognize him at first till samantha looked at me shocked...sorry sir, i probably would have made an exception). anyway, tangent, i dated 2 over-30 year olds and mr. music was 29. all had issues. probably why they are still single. old man (34 year old) was a dick to me so i walked away. who did he date after me? a 20 year old, naturally. then this oldie had the balls to text me and apologize. sorry pal, doesn't work that way for dirty boys like you. plus, you were way too sweaty.

so yeah, those are the key elements for me...and sex. the sex has to be something i want, every day, for the rest of my life, even if that isn't how i feel after 10 years of marriage. i still need the craving.

it's not hard. i don't ask for much. betray my trust? it doesn't take a lot to earn it back. what not to do? play the same damn games again. no excuse for that shit. if you think you can find one, YOU'RE not worth my time.

p.s someone pointed out that i have a blog that talks about my life so of course they know my life. just a little heads up: i don't talk about everything on here. and i wait till the fiery, angry dragon has cooled down to say anything. meaning, the things these people say are more hurtful and in the heat of the moment (a favorite quote between me and rondog, though we say it with a little song).