what i learned from the first episode of the bachelor.

i always watch the first couple episodes of this show just to see what everyone looks like. this episode, however, is the most confusing and frustrating one yet.

1. don't wear a hideous dress and tell a stupid poem. we get you're from england but do you really need to wear a dress from the queen of england's closet.
2. don't walk straight passed the guy like you're too cool. that won't get you a rose...or in actual reality, a drink/date.

3. make sure you get that this is the bachelor and not the bachelorette. you're trying to date the only guy in the show that is available...not all the other women.

4. don't sock a guy in the arm if you want there to be some romance later. he'll just make a sarcastic comment that you will be embarrassed to see later.

5. don't bring along granny in her crutches. he doesn't want to meet the fam the first time he is meeting you.

6. no one has to be your bffl hours after meeting you. give it some time like normal people do. don't confront someone while staring at them like you're going to stab her in her fake boobies. 

7. and, hon, try not to look even crazier by talking to yourself in the bathroom.

8. most importantly: don't be a psycho. you're really going to start crying less than an hour after meeting the guy? someone slap this girl into sanity. i love that this is the "blogger" too. way to make us look like we aren't whiney.

i think i may actually watch more than 2 episodes this season. i smell a hair-pullin' catfight.