this weekend was a shitshow. i trained for my job on saturday (that went great!) and then went to mr. fitz's house to celebrate his birthday. thank god san diego is not my hometown cause i threw up all over it. but, from what i remember it was fun. i did lose a shirt somewhere in the night. which leads me to question why my shirt was off in the first place. i am right now, right here, making a promise to not get throw-up-drunk again. i hate it. i need to start drinking some damn water when i go out.
e and i are talking and not fighting so i guess things are getting a little better on that front. my fingers are crossed so much that i don't know if i'll ever be able to pry them apart. i'm hoping we'll get to see each other sometime this week. see what feelings are there then and if anything is moving forward. it's so confusing. i know what i want, but i am questioning now whether or not i'll ever have it. that's a scary thought. i've invested a lot in this. when i believe in something it's usually worth believing in, but if you're the only one believing things won't change. at least that's how it feels.
i'm not a fan of confusion.