little is angry

it really makes me mad when people don't follow through. i had this huge plan to get my iphone and now some random person decides to mess it all up. i helped a guy the other day for an hour at work, could have been a $2000 sale and he never came back. if people would just be up front my life would be a lot easier. all you need to say is "hey, this isn't gonna work." that way you don't waste my damn time.

another thing pissing me off lately is apologies. there are a couple people at work that i will never have respect for because one lied about me (clearly with the intent to get me fired) and now acts like nothing ever happened. and the other was a total bitch to me on the floor. the liar should have been fired months ago. not only does she lie, but she is fatal attraction at it's worst. she is creepy. every guy with a pee pee (yes, i just called it that) is like her prey. let's try to stay classy. giving your number out at work to every man that walks through the door, forcing guys to date you (yes, she has done this multiple times), and getting people's numbers from the employee list to talk to them about anything other than work is just not ok. it's weird.

are good things happening? yes they most certainly are. edward (who really needs a better nickname) is still putting up with me. we have had a couple stressful times, but i think we're gonna be ok. last friday we went to see his favorite band at the troubador (they were definitely not my cup of tea). after we drunkenly took over sunset blvd. with his friends. i had a blast. i was even a total rebel and smoked. whoa dang.

we rented a room at the hyatt in long beach. let's just say we were a little busy till 6am. i like this fellow...a lot.

i have a weird pirate eye thing goin' on. that means i'm drunk.

stereotypical newport girl.

this week has been pretty fantastic. even if i may be the only one that sees it that way.

edward is great, awesome, perfect, a-fucking-mazing...so far. like i always say, give it a month. we'll see what i'm feeling then. i think we have moved a tad fast (it can be a good thing, or not). what's nice is that it is easy to slow things down considering he lives 2 hours away. why pof decided that would be a match is beyond me, but i wouldn't have met him any other way.

one thing that has been a little hard for both of us is realizing that perfection doesn't always last and we have to be willing to OPENLY accept faults and flaws (even if it's just a shirt that is much too short...on him...yes i'm that critical). whether or not this is meant for a lifetime, i think we are going to learn a lot about ourselves.

i have realized that just because someone says they care doesn't mean they care as much as the "should" or as much as you want them too. i believe wanting to be with someone means you make the effort to compromise and see the other person. which edward does. and big didn't do. skateboarding is big's girlfriend. that's who he made the effort with.

now onto the fun stuff. i wanted to share those fucked up text messages from the psycho that i mentioned in the valentine's day post. a little background? i met him, he looked nothing like his profile photos and the whole time i was just waiting to leave. so when i did i thanked him for the date and had no intentions of speaking to him again.

psycho 
(the day after valentines day, 3 days after trying to reach me and me not responding):
Your a super bitch and the exact stereotype of a shitty newport girl. Good job.

me:
i'm not from newport but thanks

psycho:
No worries

psycho:
Just really rude of you that's all. I meet you, you seem cool and nice and then you just vanish.

psycho (20 mins after i don't respond):
Am I wrong

me:
ya you are. i wasn't interested. get over it.
(now usually i'm not this mean, but after calling me a super bitch i believe i had every right to use my super bitch powers)


psycho:
Fuck you

psycho:
Wow.

psycho:
I'm way over it you bitch

psycho:
Probably worst person I've met out here

psycho:
Glad you ate shit on your way home you fucking clown.
(yes i fell. it hurt. i laughed it off, which apparently makes me a clown.)


me:
you are psycho

psycho:
Not really. I actually really nice and chill but retards like you who think they are above other people doesn't fly

this was all after one date that lasted an hour at most. i'm glad i saw his true colors then instead of months down the road...clown.

valentine's day

so good.

also, i went on a date with a psycho. i wasn't interested so i stopped talking to him and he freaked out. cussed me out. and called me ridiculous names. now i'm even more glad i said peace out. weirdo.

pre-val day mix.

1. wake up - arcade fire
2. mine is yours - cold war kids
3. keepin it real - mason jennings
4. these old shoes - deer tick
5. lover of the light - mumford and sons
6. kids on the run - the tallest man on earth
7. growing up beside you - paolo nutini
8. first day of my life - bright eyes
9. lines written in winter - fionn regan
10. where our destination lies - ben gibbard
11. there is a light - great lake swimmers
12. turning page - sleeping at last
13. flightless bird, american mouth (wedding version) - iron & wine
14. closing time - semisonic

i didn't realize i picked 14 songs till just now. clever me.

happy valentines day bloggers.

the we man.

these are the worst of the bunch. i now realize how samantha felt in sex and the city.

they get your hopes up, talk about the future, then leave you when you are completely unprepared. without following through with any of the "we's." like we should go explore caves in laguna, or we should go to the zoo, or we should go on vacation...we, we, we. ugh. that is what i have realized batman turned into.

now that i've got that out, i shall tell you about the new man. his name is edward (not literally). he's 27. norwegian, swedish, italian, american indian (which is why he is now edward, but not jacob because bella and jacob are just friends...duh). we went to a grammy party last night. i got dressed in my car so i unfortunately had no photos of my outfit, but it was cute i assure you. and he was absolutely adorable. we hit it off right away. no awkward moments except when a random guy tried hitting on me multiple times right in front of jacob. ay dios. i think we kinda fell in almost love last night.

just when i thought i was spending valentine's day drinking a margarita while glaring at all the happy couples around me, i now have a valentine. ta-da!! it was very unexpected. i promise to have photos for that night. 

big things.

this weekend was kind of a big deal.

batman is out. for good. he flaked again on friday night hours before we would have left. i wanted to surprise him and leave a little early to watch the fireworks at disneyland. he was making it so difficult that i was ready to just tell him to forget it right away and shove his bat-mobile up his stupid ass. i'm learning that guys on these stupid sites are douchebags. or i have a tattoo only visible to men that says "i love assholes. come ruin my week."

so who saved the day? big. and i'm so glad i was a tiwnerd with him. we had a blast even though we were both exhausted and i was so delirious i felt like i was drunk (and acted that way). when we got back to his house around 1a we threw on the movie and started cuddling like always. this time it felt different in a good/bad way. i wanted him to know what i really wanted:

1. to get my degree.

2. to get married.

3. to start a family.

and all by the time i'm 30.

i asked him if he'd been thinking about what he wanted. he had no idea. that was enough for me to tell him that we had to be strictly friends now. meaning no more sex, making out, holding hands, sleeping in the same bed, etc. so, i slept on the floor. not my best idea. i felt like i was sleeping upside down half the night.

i love him. i would give anything for him to feel the way i do. but i can't keep trying when there is someone out there who will love me just as much as i love big. what sucks the most is that letting go of our romantic (if that's what it was) relationship means we will eventually have to let go all together. i'm not sure if i'm ready to lose my best friend.

   

batman becomes jacob.

i mentioned that i am getting breaking dawn at midnight on friday and batman said he would come with me...say what?! so i've dubbed it twinight. i think i'm more excited than i am on christmas morning. this was literally my favorite twilight movie...and my 2nd favorite book. i'm slightly embarrassed to admit that i'm overly obsessing with the soundtrack right now. 2 songs on repeat...

the 2nd song is fucking amazing. ugh.

finding the cheese.

before i left to go out last week i decided to eat an orange. that orange led me to listening to a story that my mom was reading to my brother (who moved my cheese? by spencer johnson). from what i got, it was about a mouse who was in a maze and he had to go find the cheese. what he learned was that, by taking risks, you'll find better cheese. but, it involves letting go of the old cheese that wasn't enough.

this is my problem. not letting go of cheese when there may be better cheese around the corner. i guess i want to believe that the old cheese will be enough. i hope it will even if it's a kind that i hate.  i said this year would be the year i got my groove back. i do know what i want out of my life. i know the type of person i want to spend it with. i'm tired of compromising what i deserve when there is someone out there who i won't have to compromise the important stuff for.

this isn't a total 180...it's more like a 93.5487. but i'm almost there. almost a different person than i was 2 years ago. 

"what you are afraid of is never as bad as what you iagine. the fear you let build up in your mind is worse than the situation that acutally exists." - who moved my cheese?

p.s. if you're wondering why this post is so cheesy, well i feel the need to inform you that i happened to be eating a cheese stick. and it reminded me of the book. now you know my dirty secret. i blog while eating cheese sticks. you're welcome.

what i learned on the 4th episode of the bachelor...yes i'm 2 weeks behind.

yeah, yeah. i'm a 2 weeks behind. school has interfered a little. so...

1. if you have a 1-on-1, a first date, or any date that carries some importance don't dress frumpy. dress to impress. wear something he won't forget. i thought that first girl was going to get ready else wear. not go out in a wife beater. you've got other girls that want to kill you in your sleep...cough cough courtney.

2. don't go on a date in a lake. did you notice the 5000 bugs that surrounded that canoe while they talked about how romantic it was? ew.

3. drink that champagne a little faster, girl, and open up. you're losing our chance with all those awkward silences. even i felt uncomfortable. 

4. learn when you're not wanted...courtney. if every girl hates you just don't talk. we already know you aren't here to make friends so stop being so overly fake. i hope you get disease from kissing that fish. "winning!"

5. samantha, samantha. no more crazy emotions girlfriend. you're too gorg. and he parts his hair down the middle (yes, this still bugs me).

6. make sure to talk shit the right way and not make it more confusing for the guy. or make yourself look like you are just a bitch.

7. ummm...i hate courtney. she is psycho. what is up with her pity party?! ew. poor guy can't see through her like he needs to. i'm so sick of hearing her say "winning." you are not the female charlie sheen, crazy. i'm just waiting for the episode where she turns into the killer and makes sure no one wins but her...winning!

operation hot guy.

in class...again. I've decided that the hot-or-not guy is just not my type. he is cute, but he's worn the same outfit for the past 3 classes.
in other news, brain texted me last night. we've only known each other for 2 weeks and he tells me that i will forever be in his heart...ok. thanks? again i don't really know how to respond. apologies to him.
i stayed at big's last night. I've come to the realization  that he really is my best friend. I can't imagine not having him there. last night I definitely needed him around. it seemed like everyone was pissing me off yesterday. from the assholes that came in my work yesterday to being yelled at for not throwing away a razor that wasn't mine. I was surrounded by immaturity. i was so not in the mood. so, i went to big's and drank an entire bottle of wine pretty much by myself while we watched modern family.
by the way, I'm now thinking psych boy is hot. damn.

how to lose a little in 1 day.

1. don't text me back at all. this is a sure way to piss me off and make me lose interest fast. i don't care if it takes you hours to respond. just fucking respond. hashtag over it.

2.  don't support me when i need it most. cough brain cough. if i'm pissed or upset don't tell me it's my fault. if it really is i'll most likely realize that later. all i need is a hug.

3. flake. this comes right before texting. if we're just getting to know each other and you flake in the first 5 dates chances are I'll be making back-up plans for every date after.

4. talk about exes. every now and then referring to them is fine. every conversation is highly unnecessary, especially if it's regarding sex. yes, i know i have a blog where you can read all about it...that doesn't make it ok for you to talk all about it. my posts are past. your voice is present and will leave me picturing you with whoever you were dating.

if i actually like you these things will matter to me. if i actually like you i will write a blog post about it. if i don't care or i'm just posting this because i'm pissed and won't care later, chances are you'll never hear from me again.

you're welcome.

clit commander and my week in review.

so first thing first: psycho brain.

brain is completely out of the picture. he said he loved me and i didn't really know how to respond to that. then he went a wee bit crazy and took something way out of proportion (one of my favorite things for someone to do). i shall explain that something next...

2nd thing 2nd: sex and cokeheads.

i may have been 70% of the reason why one of our managers was fired this week (his first week). he asked if i wanted to do karaoke at slaters 50/50. since it was by my house i said yeah! i had no hidden intentions. wasn't trying to lead him on...which is what brain seems to think was going through my head. nope, i was just thinking about getting drunk and singing like an idiot in front of people i don't know.

so we drank, we sang, and somewhere in between that he decided to hit on me and make things awkward. he repeatedly asked me why i don't date guys at work. told me i should change that rule because he should be an exception. got extremely touchy feely to the point where i felt so awkward that i left 10 mins after my friend (who i hadn't seen in almost 10 years) got there.

not only did he hit on me, but he had the audacity to say that someone i am close to at work used to be a cokehead. i know this is completely untrue.

so somehow all of this got around my work and eventually to my store manager. thankfully, they are letting him go because i don't think i could EVER work with him again.

brain's opinion was that i asked for it and that i was using my "evil powers" to get what i want...yeah, i didn't want to be harassed. thanks.

3rd thing 3rd: batman returns as the clit commander.

3rd date was tonight. it was awesome...again. this trend is dangerous. i'm already thinking of only dating one person. bad little. bad, bad, bad. but so very good. i'm not the biggest fan of juggling. it's hard, time-consuming, and confusing.

tonight we just went to dinner and a movie, but there was never a dull moment. we walked around barnes and nobel and looked in the sex section where i found his new (fake) nickname...the clit commander. protecting and defending clits everywhere.

no, he has not protected or defended mine yet.

p.s. to those wondering about the guy in psych: i have yet to get close enough. i promise to continue my research monday night. live tweet updates.

p.s.s. we saw chronicle. it was like an emo teenager super hero movie. the effects were ok...kinda.

almost mr. deeds.

date happy face.

the best date of the year by far...and i mean february 2 of last year to now.

first: the date on monday was meh. i thought he was cool, but he was asian. and whether or not it's a stereotype, i kept wondering if he was a "tiny weener man." i seriously couldn't get over it. unfortunately for him, it is not the motion of the ocean that matters to me.

tonight was a-fucking-mazing. granted, it didn't start out that great. batman has a problem with texting back...a big problem. but, i can live with that...for now.

so we planned to hang out today and i get a text saying, "meet me here, dress warm." i almost gave up on the date when i didn't get a response to my "what time?" after an hour. i'm definitely glad i didn't. we ended up spending 2 and a 1/2 hours on a basketball court drinking wine. i've never drank wine on a basketball court, nor have i ever hung out on one for 2 hours. it was perfect. i'm still getting those butterflies that i got on the first date. that is a major good thing. and i feel like i can be myself around him. no fake little.

guess we shall see where this goes.

p.s. i just have to say that the whole breaking dawn soundtrack has me in tears. i love it. and now i find out the movie comes out feb.11. hint to anyone reading who may be thinking of a valentine's day present...THAT. thanks. if not, i will be there at midnight to buy it cause i'm just that cool.